Nerd dream.

I had this super weird/nerdy dream last night. I dreamt that I was Hagrid (Harry Potter) and that I was looking after Katniss and Prim (Hunger Games) because their mum had been kidnapped by the Capitol (Hunger Games). Hagrid lived just above them and went down to visit. Katniss asked if he wanted some food and disappeared into the kitchen. When I (Hagrid) looked into the kitchen, Prim and Katniss had both been kidnapped. I (me) ran outside just to find Hagrid lying on the ground. Dead. I panicked and began to look for other people. On the street there were all this weird animals and kids everywhere. I asked one kid if she had seen Katniss. The kid replied “They went to the bookshop”. I started running, past my neighbour’s house, and then all of sudden Talisa Maegyr (Game of Thrones) shouted that she would run to the bookstore as well to find them. She was so much faster than me and reached the bookshop 27 seconds before me. When I finally got to the bookshop (that’s actually a hairdresser in real life), Talisa too was kidnapped. That’s when I shouting “Doctor! DOCTOOOR!” (Doctor Who) and woke up with a sore throat.

Song identity crisis.

I got an idea for a song so I sat down with my guitar and started writing. Then I began to doubt myself, the lyrics where quite silly, as were the melody. But then I started thinking of Map of Tasmania by Amanda Palmer. That song is silly, but I don’t want my sings to be silly. I want to be taken seriously. Then I realised that I’m not at all serious, wouldn’t writing a serious song make me a hypocrite?

I could write lyrics that are both silly and serious, like Vegemite by Amanda Palmer. It’s just; I’m not very good at that. What if people laugh at me? I wouldn’t like that. But you’re supposed to laugh at Vegemite and now I don’t know what to do.

Help?

Stop it.

What I want in life is to be able to be me. Meaning a sarcastic bitch who appears to hate everything. That might sound sad or stupid but that is me. It truly is. Obviously I fangirl A LOT (can you use fangirl as a verb?). That’s like the only thing that I doesn’t pretend to hate. But I get annoyed at people. Mostly all people. Because of any reason and mainly because I can.

Why should I try to be nice when I’m really not? I’m not nice, I can be nice, really. But when I am, I feel like I’m not being honest. Even if you wear nice shoes, and I want to tell you that you wear nice shoes it just feel unnatural coming from my mouth. What I want to say is “Why the hell did you even buy those?” with a grin, but I guess I can only do that around people that knows me, and knows that I don’t mean it. But I have no such people in my life and that sucks.

Oh, I was scrolling around on Tumblr and found this;

Freakiest thing ever you guys. Watch episode 3 in the third series of Doctor Who. Don’t blink. Whatever you do, don’t blink.

I saw The Hunger Games by the way and I think I’m in love whit Jennifer Lawrence. She was brilliant! The perfect Katniss, just as I imagined her. Josh Hutcherson though, he looked wrong. Absolutely not the Peeta I had in my head. His acting was great, he really did become Peeta from the book, but there was just something wrong with the way he looked (this is not me calling him ugly, he just didn’t look like Peeta okay?!).

The movie was great, they didn’t change the story a tiny bit, but that always happens right?  There was just one thing that just made me really upset. The uprising in District 11. IT DIDN’T HAPPEN IN THE HUNGER GAMES!!! It’s in the next book. If the try to do Catching Fire then what will they do then!? It’s all ruined! That is a very important part of Catching Fire. I don’t like this at all.

I really liked the “behind the scenes” scenes. Since the book is in a first person narrative, we have no idea what happened and what the gamemakers where doing. Or what the people actually saw on the TV.

I do recommend reading the book before watching the film. As always, there’s a lot of explanations in the book that can’t be described due to the fact that in the book your IN Katniss’ head.

Best scene of them all. When Katsniss and Peeta is on fire. It was AMAZING. It looked better than I expected and it was just perfect.

I feel like this is all really badly written. Sorry. My excuse; I’m exhausted.

PANIC!!!!

I’ve had a really, really crappy day. I mean REALLY crappy. So I’m walking around in my home feeling like shit, looking like I’ve been hit by a truck. Suddenly I hear someone knocking on the door and in stomps my brother, his girlfriend AND HER MOTHER! And no one told me anything about this! My dad was in my room 30 minutes earlier. He could have just mentioned it.

They are supposed to eat dinner here, so it wasn’t just them dropping by. It. Was. Planned. I think they actually forgot about me. Like that time they forgot that I was home, made dinner and ate it all. Leaving NOTHING for me. How could the forget that?! I’m always home. I don’t do anything else but staying home.

Though, I’m used to being forgotten. When I turned 20 no one remembered my birthday. Not a single one. Not my friends. Not my family. Not even my grandfather that calls me every year. It’s like, that year, I was dead.

My family must love me so much. I bet when I move, they’ll forget all about my entire existence. They’ll be sitting at home, around the kitchen table, wondering where the hell the dog went.

Love and shit.

Why is that so had to “I love you” say? Well, it’s not hard to say, unless you have trouble speaking… It’s meaning it that’s hard, right? Or admit to yourself that you mean it. Or admit that you don’t mean it. I’m not very loving person. I’ve never said “I love you” to anyone, not even my dog. Though I think my dog is the only think that I’ve actually truly loved. I’m speaking of the Dog, Semla (I usually just call her the Dog), not Tudor (I’m getting there though). Which is sad when you think about.

I have written “I love you” to people, but I don’t think I’ve meant it. Not even in a “your my friend and I love you because of that”-kind of way. Which makes me a liar and a really bad person I guess. Oh well, we can’t all be good and loving.

I love Birdeatsbaby though, and Amy Pond and Karen Gillan, and Gwen Cooper and Amanda Palmer and Tegan and Sara Quin. But I guess that doesn’t count does it?

Soooo, I have no idea why I decided to write this post. Can’t sleep and this is what I think about. Ugh.

Tomorrow (or today whatever), I have to walk the dog with a woman that I don’t really know. I’ve met her quite a few times and I have talked to her, but this will be more casual and THAT freaks me out. Being all “official”, talking “business” (it’s not really business but I don’t know what else to call it), that I can do. Talking to people at the bank and such is hard, but I can do it. Only because I know what to talk about. You don’t really go to the bank to just hang out right?

I am so socially awkward and just not trained enough for this. What do I do? What do I say? I do want to do this, it’s just, I really don’t want to do this. You know what that’s like right? It’s like having real bad performance anxiety, you want to get on stage and do your thing, but at the same time you just want to hide or die. This is the biggest problem in my life right now (it’s not that big compared to other stuff, it could be worse except that I can’t do anything with my life because I’m scared to look at people).

At least I’ve got a puppy now. A puppy needs social training, which means that I’m getting some social training. Having to go into town a lot, and the puppy is cute so a lot of people wants to talk. So I have no trouble talking about what breed he is and how old he is and everything else about him. That doesn’t really help me in other situations, but it’s a start and that’s what matters right?

And now I’m so scared and nervous that I can’t sleep = I’ll look like I’m dead and feel like I’m dead and just want to be left alone.

This post is just not fun so have so pictures of my puppy.

This was a very bad hair day...

Bitch, I’m a hero, nobody died.

What did I say again? “I won’t let that girl treat me that way again! EVER!” What did just happen today? Ugh. I hate myself

No I don’t, I honestly don’t care about her anymore, fine, GO AND STAY WITH YOUR FRIENDS THAT ALWAYS LET YOU DOWN AND LEAVE ME, THE ONE WHO NEVER EVER EVER LET YOU DOWN AND WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU, BEHIND.

I hope that one day she’ll need me and I will just be able to say “Bitch! Go away!”

Oh, I saved a man’s life today. Wouldn’t you want to be friends with someone who saved a complete stranger’s life? Maybe not, but still… he probably would have lived without my help anyways.

What happened was that I found this man lying on the street, he had fallen of his bike. He had trouble breathing so I called an ambulance. I think he was fine by the time the ambulance got there. Everybody lives! Just this once, everybody lives! (It’s not funny unless you’ve seen Doctor Who).

Best part about money!

The best part about money is that you can use it to fix things. Or get new things. It’s just, when you don’t have money (like me at the moment) and stuff like, let’s say that your puppy tries to eat your glasses, well then you’re just fucked.

What happened was that I’m sick right now. Fever and shit. I’ve got some trouble eating, and trying to take care of a wild puppy doesn’t make things easy. I also have trouble sleeping (coughing a lot) so I nearly fainted today. I had to sit down and breathe, I was home alone, this is where the puppy saw its chance, jumped up, grabbed my glasses and well, started chewing on them. I couldn’t move so there was no way for me to save them.

I’ve never in my entire life been this happy that I’ve got some spare contact lenses. Those will last for a week or so, which, by next week, leaves me almost blind. I’m not wearing contacts now so I can see. But I can’t see much, I can’t watch TV or go outside. Especially not go outside. I once went grocery shopping without glasses.  Most terrifying moment of my life.

I hate my life.

First off, I can’t believe my life right now! All the things that are happening, not just the puppy but everything. It’s almost too good to be true. It’s awesome. It gets better, I believe it now. Finally.

Second off, I’m watching Game of Thrones. I love it! Only problem is… ONE EPISODE PER WEEK!!! How am I going to survive this!? I could just go to the library and read the books but no, I don’t have time for that since I’m so busy with LIFE!

I hate my life.

Is it silly that I’m so proud of him for being able to walk down the stairs?

Easter.

You have to paint eggs at Easter right? At least in Sweden you have to, no matter how old you are. It’s just a tradition (even though I skipped it this year just to take some photos, woops).

Um, I kind of forgot about the finished eggs so this is it (woops again). We also had an Easter egg hunt. It was a lot of fun really, though it was outside and it was cold as hell (it snowed this morning wtf?!). I’m quite happy though that mum remembered my name, my family has some real problems with that (which is understandable (I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this but I’ve changed my name to Charlie now, feels good)).

And here’s a photo of my slightly retarded chickens. I think I’m in love with them both.

My sister wanted to take some cute photos of me and Tudor but he didn’t want to be on camera. He was more interested in eating my face. (My hair is starting to look ridiculous, no time to get to a hairdresser! Someone who wants to come to my place and cut my hair? Please?)

I does hurts like hell when he bites me but I can’t be mad at him. Look at those eyes, how can you be mad?

I love Hercules (from one thing to another), mostly I love “I won’t say I’m in Love”. Not that I’m in love or denying that I am (because I’m really not), it’s just that song is great.

Also my life is pretty great right now. Just so you know.

Stuff that’s happened that I haven’t mentioned.

This happened one day. Sister attacked me with camera before I had a chance to defend myself (or hide).

Then I went to Gothenburg to see my grandparents. It was okay, and on my way home I got to meet up with a person I’ve never met before. It went really good, at least I didn’t throw up on her!

For some reason this is the only photo I took. It’s from inside their garage.

My hairdresser went on holiday for two weeks and then she got sick as well. Too much hair now. AND I got a new piercing in my lip.

My cat tried to murder me.

And for the big news… I got a puppy. He is great and cute and almost completely house trained (it’s been two days, I don’t expect him to be perfect).

He’s name is Tudor (if you didn’t get that from the previous post) and he is 9 weeks and 3 days.

Oh, I also decided to change my name! My name will now be Charlie. I do know that it’ll take some time for everyone else to get used to it. I’m fine with that. In a couple of months or my old name will be forgotten (hopefully).