I got an idea for a song so I sat down with my guitar and started writing. Then I began to doubt myself, the lyrics where quite silly, as were the melody. But then I started thinking of Map of Tasmania by Amanda Palmer. That song is silly, but I don’t want my sings to be silly. I want to be taken seriously. Then I realised that I’m not at all serious, wouldn’t writing a serious song make me a hypocrite?
I could write lyrics that are both silly and serious, like Vegemite by Amanda Palmer. It’s just; I’m not very good at that. What if people laugh at me? I wouldn’t like that. But you’re supposed to laugh at Vegemite and now I don’t know what to do.
“But if The Silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too”
THAT is love my friends. If The Silence takes you then I’m out of here. Not even kidding. Though, if The Silence did take you, I wouldn’t remember what happened…
Started the day by having a minor anxiety attack. Haven’t had one of those in ages. Took a shower, things felt better. Tired to fix my hair, looked like a muppet. Took a second shower, got ready head in to town to have a coffee with my parents. The second I put my shoes on my nose exploded, blood all over my clothes. Had to change clothes, needed a black t-shirt, couldn’t find one. Thought I’d just buy a new one, they didn’t have any in my size. But I needed one badly so I had to get a size M instead of XS. There was almost more t-shirt tucked in my trousers than there were legs.
So anyway, had this gig… got there, nearly had another attack. Did manage to calm down by talking to the nice people there (who would have thought that talking to people could actually calm ME down!?). I was shaking like crazy by the time I was about to get on stage.
After that it all went well (apart from my leg going mental, don’t know if anyone noticed that). This must have been the first time ever that I haven’t messed up. I didn’t forget the lyrics, I didn’t stop, didn’t start over.
Ohohoh, before I plugged in my guitar and sat down I didn’t really knew what I was doing. This (very nice) guy walked up to me and offered to help me tune my guitar. I didn’t think, I just handed the guitar over. WHAAT!? Sweet lord the panic when I realised what I had done. I let someone else touch my love… Worst 30 seconds of my life.
Someone wanted to hear me sing and I didn’t like any of the recordings that I already had so I recorded new ones. Feel free to share them on Twitter or Facebook or wherever you feel like.
I am so ready to get my heart broken. I mean it, come at me people! iwanttobeabletowritesongsagain
(Had to take a picture of my face, since you know “look me in the eye and tell me...”
I just had to take a picture of my eye.
Today I made a folder with pictures of me. I haven’t had one in years. So why is that? Do I hate my face that much? Nope, here is the reason; I either look depressed or, when I try to smile, I look like an axe-murderer.
Seriously though, who could resist that face? I mean if you like being murdered I’m all yours, promise!
I don't do the "duck-face-pose" , I do the "pony-pose". Cuz I'm cool like that.
So I just finished watching another Torchwood episode, took a tiny break and went on the internet. So what did I find that’s exiting enough to bother to make another post at 03:14am? AMANDA FUCKING PALMER IN MAKING ANOTHER ALBUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2012 might be, for me, the best year ever when it comes to new music. Here’s why: Birdeatsbaby is releasing a new album, which means tour. They’re from Brighton which means that there is a tiny possibility that I might be able to go and see them. Now, Now is releasing a new album. Tegan and Sara is recording and I think coming out with an album. And Amanda Fucking Palmer is recording one. Words can not describe how exited I am.
Okay, I have to go back to Torchwood now. Only five episodes to go!
No, I can’t talk enough about her. Don’t care? Don’t read.
I didn’t sleep last night, at all. Crawled out of bed at 11 am and somehow manage to travel all the way from my bed to my computer. (That’s a long trip, I swear!)
Immediately logged on Facebook and…
I nearly peed my pants from excitement. And oh my god raging emotions! Amanda Palmer is the only musician that can make me cry. Alright, Call It Off – Tegan and Sara, Fall Asleep For Nuclear War – Pretty Balanced. That was tears streaming down my face.
Amanda Palmer on other hand, makes me curl up on the floor and cry so hard that the neighbours call the police. Not when I listen to the studio versions of the songs, though they sometimes make me weep in silence. No, I’m talking about live. Amanda has this voice that just gets into your soul and messes everything up (of course I’m only speaking for myself, I have no idea what her voice is doing to you). There is so much emotions that I can’t handle it.
When she hits certain notes it feels like I’ve been kicked in the stomach. It’s weird really, how some music can make you feel so much. Ha, and then you try to explain how you feel and nobody understands.
This song has a very long intro, so if you just want to hear the singing skip to 04:30. If you don’t want to hear the entire song, skip to 08:30.
… that I didn’t want a cat? Well, I didn’t until I saw how chubby and cute and cuddly she is! And she likes me! She even slept on me for a couple of minutes! I’m dying from cuteness here! HELP! SAVE ME!
I couldn’t get any good photos of her because she went wild. Not like Nisse, when she first moved in she crawled under the sofa and stayed there for hours. This cat, Totte (world’s most ridiculous name, but it’s my mum’s cat so…) she wants to play all the time. She was running around like crazy! What made it ever cuter was that she is a little bit fat. Her butt is so big that every time she turns around to fast, she falls over because her butt can’t keep up! She’s crazy about food. When my family ate dinner she kept running around the table, meowing. She even climbed up on my dad (yes climbed, she’s to heavy to jump) and tried to steal his food.
When it comes to my cat, she’s such a coward! As am I, so I understand her. Everytime Totte got close to her she ran for her life. I thought she was going to be all tough, she keeps fighting with my neighbours cat all the time. There is a window between them but still…
This is basically the way she looked from the time she saw the kitten, ’til we went to bed.
I’ve found my camera again, I’ve missed it. Found and found… it lived on my bookshelf, but I picked it up yesterday. I felt like spending some time with Photoshop. I’ve missed Photoshop.
Another thing I found yesterday was Tancred. This amazing girl named Jess Abbott. She’s so very talented, she’s also a member of the band Now, Now and her girlfriend is Cacie Dalager. Lucky girl.
I obviously didn’t “find” her yesterday, but I heard her solo-project for the first time. I absolutely love her voice, and the lyrics are just fantastic. Her songs are a bit short though, too short. Her album, with ten songs, is only 18 minutes long. But oh well, it’s better than nothing.
I found yet another thing, mould. Inside a notebook of mine. I have no idea what happened there. Maybe it’s a sign that I should write more. Or maybe not.
When you go to sleep you try to think about small things
So your body slows and your mind explodes
When the radiation reaches blankets in the dark
They will keep you safe but not if you’re awake
When you die asleep your dreams will keep on going
When you die awake you just die
When you go asleep the coursing sanguine in your veins
Cools and slows and chills and your body fills with better things
When you die asleep your dreams will keep on going
When you die awake you just die
Monsters can’t get in, your mother can’t get in
The grind can’t get in again and that is the end
